Earlier tonight we were talking about how good things are and how we felt like poo after the smallest of fights, easily resolved and forgotten.
Then of course, later on, we end up in... well... not a fight, per se, but there was definitely an unpleasant tone to the conversation. We're both a little tense because of the distance and how long it's been. But still, little things like that shouldn't happen.
This is a man I know like the back of my hand... and even knowing him that well I still love him more than life. He means the world to me, and I hate it when it even feels like we're possibly skirting around an issue that might turn into a fight eventually.
I want to rant when he doesn't seem to understand where I'm coming from, and I want to shake him when he doesn't respond to my anger or disappointment. In the end, I just let it go. It wasn't important enough to fight about. I won't always do that, though. I hope he knows it.
Wedding Ticker
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
We've done it!
We, as a couple, have made it to the half way point of this first leg of the journey. It may not seem like much, but 24 days without any sort of physical contact is not very easy and I really don't know how military wives/fiances/girlfriends do it.
24 more days until I get to see him again. And when I do, I will likely be glued to his side for the entire week. I never knew I could miss a person so much.
Talking to him every day helps, but it's not the same.
24 more days until I get to see him again. And when I do, I will likely be glued to his side for the entire week. I never knew I could miss a person so much.
Talking to him every day helps, but it's not the same.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
My life as an almost-wife
Ha. It hasn't really changed all that much, except now I have a reason to doodle my first name paired with his last name, and moon over wedding dresses. I have to admit, knowing that he feels that our relationship is a life time kind is making this separation a lot easier than I had suspected.
It's been almost 3 weeks, and I've only cried once, which can ostensibly be blamed on PMS and excused as simply me being in an emotional state. (Can I get away with that?)
We talk every day, about a bunch of different things. I miss him like crazy, but that's to be expected. The longer he's gone, the more I look forward to seeing him again at the end of August.
Less than 5 weeks left! When he comes home for a bit, we'll be going out to get some price and time estimates on getting my ring made. I'M SO EXCITED!
I've been feeling a little bit greedy or materialistic because I'm so into the idea of my diamond engagement ring. It's a fairly expensive little trinket, but I really want that symbol of this step in our relationship. He understands that, even though I tend to feel awful for wanting it so badly. I know he can't afford anything super expensive at the moment because he's in school. However, I get the feeling that he thinks I'm crazy for feeling bad.
The last few weeks I've been looking into dresses and invitations and venues for receptions and generally enjoying the "I'm getting married!" bit. I plan on riding this high as long as I can, because when it levels off, I know the sadness of missing him will take it's place.
For now, I'm not dwelling on the fact that he's far away, but that we'll have the rest of our lives to make up for this brief separation. I love that man. :)
It's been almost 3 weeks, and I've only cried once, which can ostensibly be blamed on PMS and excused as simply me being in an emotional state. (Can I get away with that?)
We talk every day, about a bunch of different things. I miss him like crazy, but that's to be expected. The longer he's gone, the more I look forward to seeing him again at the end of August.
Less than 5 weeks left! When he comes home for a bit, we'll be going out to get some price and time estimates on getting my ring made. I'M SO EXCITED!
I've been feeling a little bit greedy or materialistic because I'm so into the idea of my diamond engagement ring. It's a fairly expensive little trinket, but I really want that symbol of this step in our relationship. He understands that, even though I tend to feel awful for wanting it so badly. I know he can't afford anything super expensive at the moment because he's in school. However, I get the feeling that he thinks I'm crazy for feeling bad.
The last few weeks I've been looking into dresses and invitations and venues for receptions and generally enjoying the "I'm getting married!" bit. I plan on riding this high as long as I can, because when it levels off, I know the sadness of missing him will take it's place.
For now, I'm not dwelling on the fact that he's far away, but that we'll have the rest of our lives to make up for this brief separation. I love that man. :)
Saturday, July 17, 2010
A week later.
Well, it's been a week since we moved him down to South Carolina. I've talked to him every day, and he seems to be adjusting and doing well with his class. I'm so proud of him.
To keep my mind off of the fact that I won't be seeing him for several weeks, I've been doing wedding plans in my head. I've had some bad moments, but mostly I've managed to keep the tears at bay for now. We'll see how it goes when I don't have work or friends to occupy my time.
Every time I start to get a little bit down about the situation, I remember that he loves me enough to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. It still gives me a little thrill to tell people that I'm getting married. I keep waiting for it to feel real, to sink in... it's been almost 2 weeks, and I'm still waiting for the "just kidding!"
I guess this time, too good is true.
To keep my mind off of the fact that I won't be seeing him for several weeks, I've been doing wedding plans in my head. I've had some bad moments, but mostly I've managed to keep the tears at bay for now. We'll see how it goes when I don't have work or friends to occupy my time.
Every time I start to get a little bit down about the situation, I remember that he loves me enough to ask me to spend the rest of my life with him. It still gives me a little thrill to tell people that I'm getting married. I keep waiting for it to feel real, to sink in... it's been almost 2 weeks, and I'm still waiting for the "just kidding!"
I guess this time, too good is true.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Well then.
I guess I don't have to worry about the route our relationship is gonna take anymore...
SINCE HE PROPOSED TONIGHT!!
*squee!* I'm engaged!
I don't think it's fully settled into my brain, but I have never been so happy in my life. <3
SINCE HE PROPOSED TONIGHT!!
*squee!* I'm engaged!
I don't think it's fully settled into my brain, but I have never been so happy in my life. <3
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
T minus 4 days...
My brain is all jumbled right now. These last few weeks have been the most amazing I've had in a long time... due to the fact that I've been able to spend so much time with him. I can't think of anything else but trying to make him happy before he leaves.
We've spent so much time together, just the two of us and with family... It's so hard to believe that in 4 short days I'll be helping him move into a new place 7 hours away from me.
I'm strong, when I have to be. I hate being weak. I can't help crying about him leaving though. I don't know how to handle this. He says I'm handling it very well, and I've surprised myself by not picking any stupid little fights with him over it, but I still feel like the frequency of tears being present is way too high.
I want him to miss me, and want to be back with me... but I don't want him to regret his decision to follow his dream in any way.
I can't keep the scary negative thoughts from popping into my head. I want to believe the good ones, but don't want to get my hopes up lest they be shot down.
I want to tell everyone how proud I am of him, and how happy I am to see him get what he wants, and at the same time I just want to hold on tight and put my face in his neck and not let go.
I don't want to cry over it because it shows weakness and that leads to people walking out of my life, but at the same time I don't want to appear indifferent as though it doesn't matter that he's leaving.
Tomorrow is our last day just to ourselves before he leaves. I will be making and freezing some of his favorites so I can send them down with him when he goes. We'll also be making some prints from pictures taken during some of our trips so he can have them to decorate his dorm.
Friday will be the good-bye gathering, Saturday will be the trip down and the moving in, Sunday.... Sunday is the day I'm dreading the most. The drive home. The drive without him. The 7 hour ride in the car with his family judging me for crying too much (or maybe not enough?).
I wish I could settle my brain. I haven't slept well in a long time because I'm so stressed about him leaving. I sometimes think, "it's not a very long separation, and we'll have the rest of our lives to make up for it." And that line of thought keeps a smile on my face most of the time.... however, the other one that sneaks up when I'm feeling particularly low, "he's leaving, and when he gets down there he'll probably decide to take a path other than the one we've discussed."
I hate having such a roller coaster in my head. My brain doesn't like being a track, especially when the cars are threatening to tip over the side.
We've spent so much time together, just the two of us and with family... It's so hard to believe that in 4 short days I'll be helping him move into a new place 7 hours away from me.
I'm strong, when I have to be. I hate being weak. I can't help crying about him leaving though. I don't know how to handle this. He says I'm handling it very well, and I've surprised myself by not picking any stupid little fights with him over it, but I still feel like the frequency of tears being present is way too high.
I want him to miss me, and want to be back with me... but I don't want him to regret his decision to follow his dream in any way.
I can't keep the scary negative thoughts from popping into my head. I want to believe the good ones, but don't want to get my hopes up lest they be shot down.
I want to tell everyone how proud I am of him, and how happy I am to see him get what he wants, and at the same time I just want to hold on tight and put my face in his neck and not let go.
I don't want to cry over it because it shows weakness and that leads to people walking out of my life, but at the same time I don't want to appear indifferent as though it doesn't matter that he's leaving.
Tomorrow is our last day just to ourselves before he leaves. I will be making and freezing some of his favorites so I can send them down with him when he goes. We'll also be making some prints from pictures taken during some of our trips so he can have them to decorate his dorm.
Friday will be the good-bye gathering, Saturday will be the trip down and the moving in, Sunday.... Sunday is the day I'm dreading the most. The drive home. The drive without him. The 7 hour ride in the car with his family judging me for crying too much (or maybe not enough?).
I wish I could settle my brain. I haven't slept well in a long time because I'm so stressed about him leaving. I sometimes think, "it's not a very long separation, and we'll have the rest of our lives to make up for it." And that line of thought keeps a smile on my face most of the time.... however, the other one that sneaks up when I'm feeling particularly low, "he's leaving, and when he gets down there he'll probably decide to take a path other than the one we've discussed."
I hate having such a roller coaster in my head. My brain doesn't like being a track, especially when the cars are threatening to tip over the side.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
In a mood.
Yeah, the kinda mood where you just want to declare your love in frilly, flowery, song-lyrical terms. However, my creativity is poo, so I'll be borrowing love quotes that seem to adequately express how I'm feeling about my hunny. :)
Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
He's leaving in 10 short days. Physically he will be away from me, but I feel that our love is strong enough to overcome this challenge. His heart will be here with me, so it will be home. And I will take good care of it, because I want him to do the same with mine.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~Friedrich Nietzsche
The phrase "madly in love" is completely accurate. I feel it, and know it to be true. It's amazing how this emotion can make you feel things on the opposite ends of the spectrum at the same time. That, my friends, is enough to drive anyone mad.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
~George Jean Nathan
This quote fits my sweetie so well. It's as though he finds a comfortable and secure place when he's laying down beside me with my head on his shoulder, because he always ends up falling asleep. I love that he's so comfortable with me that he can drift off into the most vulnerable state. Especially when he does it with a smile on his face. There's not another feeling like it.
Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you're not really in love at all.
~C. J. Franks
Even though this sort of contradicts the previous one, I still like it and think it is also true. Every touch, every kiss, every time. Sometimes it's a warm fuzzy comfortable feeling, other times it's a shock to my toes. It's never unpleasant.
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
~La Rochefoucauld
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that. I really hope this is the case, as I've said before. I really think we've got what it takes, and I can only say that I will do my best to make sure nothing changes.
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
~Victor Hugo
Knowing he loves me even though I'm messy, sometimes lazy, stubborn as a mule, and get nasty blemishes on my chin when I'm PMSing makes me think he could be telling the truth about this. Not only does he love me when I'm at my best, but he loves me the rest of the time too. And that is the most solid proof of "love" I can think of.
I wish I had the creativity to put it into my own words, but since I don't, I'm glad others do... and I hope they don't mind my borrowing.
Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes
He's leaving in 10 short days. Physically he will be away from me, but I feel that our love is strong enough to overcome this challenge. His heart will be here with me, so it will be home. And I will take good care of it, because I want him to do the same with mine.
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~Friedrich Nietzsche
The phrase "madly in love" is completely accurate. I feel it, and know it to be true. It's amazing how this emotion can make you feel things on the opposite ends of the spectrum at the same time. That, my friends, is enough to drive anyone mad.
A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
~George Jean Nathan
This quote fits my sweetie so well. It's as though he finds a comfortable and secure place when he's laying down beside me with my head on his shoulder, because he always ends up falling asleep. I love that he's so comfortable with me that he can drift off into the most vulnerable state. Especially when he does it with a smile on his face. There's not another feeling like it.
Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you're not really in love at all.
~C. J. Franks
Even though this sort of contradicts the previous one, I still like it and think it is also true. Every touch, every kiss, every time. Sometimes it's a warm fuzzy comfortable feeling, other times it's a shock to my toes. It's never unpleasant.
Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
~La Rochefoucauld
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that. I really hope this is the case, as I've said before. I really think we've got what it takes, and I can only say that I will do my best to make sure nothing changes.
The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
~Victor Hugo
Knowing he loves me even though I'm messy, sometimes lazy, stubborn as a mule, and get nasty blemishes on my chin when I'm PMSing makes me think he could be telling the truth about this. Not only does he love me when I'm at my best, but he loves me the rest of the time too. And that is the most solid proof of "love" I can think of.
I wish I had the creativity to put it into my own words, but since I don't, I'm glad others do... and I hope they don't mind my borrowing.
Really Scary.
I've spent a lot of time thinking these last few days... well, thinking when I wasn't making sure to enjoy his company to the best of my ability.
It's a scary thing to realize that once he leaves next Saturday (and that is way too soon) he will not be moving back. He'll be gone. And if our relationship is to continue, I'll have to leave too. And although I love him and can't imagine life with anyone else, it is a bit intimidating to think that I could be going from single to married, and from my comfy spot here, to trying to make a new one elsewhere.
We are at the point in our relationship where it's "get married, or break up" and I don't think either one of us are willing to explore the "break up" option. That man makes me smile entirely too much, and makes me entirely too happy for me to even consider letting him go.
I just hope he feels the same way.
It's a scary thing to realize that once he leaves next Saturday (and that is way too soon) he will not be moving back. He'll be gone. And if our relationship is to continue, I'll have to leave too. And although I love him and can't imagine life with anyone else, it is a bit intimidating to think that I could be going from single to married, and from my comfy spot here, to trying to make a new one elsewhere.
We are at the point in our relationship where it's "get married, or break up" and I don't think either one of us are willing to explore the "break up" option. That man makes me smile entirely too much, and makes me entirely too happy for me to even consider letting him go.
I just hope he feels the same way.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
*Yawn*
I'm up early this morning, for me anyway, because he's on his way over, and I get to spend the late morning/early afternoon with him before work. Hopefully I don't cry when he leaves, because that sucks and I would be going into work looking a mess.
I'm doing everything I can to make sure he can see that I love him. Little presents, lots of cheesiness. I still don't feel like I'm doing enough before he leaves. I wish I knew the proper protocol for this. I hate knowing we're gonna be spending 7 weeks apart, and then another 7 weeks apart after he comes home for a visit. Unless I can hitch a ride with his family down to see him, we'll be spending the better part of six months doing the long distance thing.
Trying not to dwell on it is much easier said than done, but I'm going to try to make the best of this morning, and then all the time we get to spend this weekend.
I'm doing everything I can to make sure he can see that I love him. Little presents, lots of cheesiness. I still don't feel like I'm doing enough before he leaves. I wish I knew the proper protocol for this. I hate knowing we're gonna be spending 7 weeks apart, and then another 7 weeks apart after he comes home for a visit. Unless I can hitch a ride with his family down to see him, we'll be spending the better part of six months doing the long distance thing.
Trying not to dwell on it is much easier said than done, but I'm going to try to make the best of this morning, and then all the time we get to spend this weekend.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
When I Touch You
(Travis Tritt/Stewart Harris)
This old world can lay so heavy on my shoulders...
And this face in my mirror keeps getting older
But no matter how much pressure's on
I can lay it down when I get home
'Cause it all just fades away when I touch you
It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
A firm foundation, girl, to see us through
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you
Years from now when my life's nearly over
And there's nothing more this world needs me to do
If my feeble hand's still strong enough to reach out
I can be the happy man when I touch you
It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
Oh, a firm foundation, girl, to see us through...
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'...
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you...
Yes, it makes everything alright when I touch you...
This song pretty much sums up my feelings right now.
This old world can lay so heavy on my shoulders...
And this face in my mirror keeps getting older
But no matter how much pressure's on
I can lay it down when I get home
'Cause it all just fades away when I touch you
It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
A firm foundation, girl, to see us through
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you
Years from now when my life's nearly over
And there's nothing more this world needs me to do
If my feeble hand's still strong enough to reach out
I can be the happy man when I touch you
It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
Oh, a firm foundation, girl, to see us through...
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'...
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you...
Yes, it makes everything alright when I touch you...
This song pretty much sums up my feelings right now.
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