In a mood.

Yeah, the kinda mood where you just want to declare your love in frilly, flowery, song-lyrical terms. However, my creativity is poo, so I'll be borrowing love quotes that seem to adequately express how I'm feeling about my hunny. :)

Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

He's leaving in 10 short days. Physically he will be away from me, but I feel that our love is strong enough to overcome this challenge. His heart will be here with me, so it will be home. And I will take good care of it, because I want him to do the same with mine.

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
~Friedrich Nietzsche

The phrase "madly in love" is completely accurate. I feel it, and know it to be true. It's amazing how this emotion can make you feel things on the opposite ends of the spectrum at the same time. That, my friends, is enough to drive anyone mad.


A man reserves his true and deepest love not for the species of woman in whose company he finds himself electrified and enkindled, but for that one in whose company he may feel tenderly drowsy.
~George Jean Nathan

This quote fits my sweetie so well. It's as though he finds a comfortable and secure place when he's laying down beside me with my head on his shoulder, because he always ends up falling asleep. I love that he's so comfortable with me that he can drift off into the most vulnerable state. Especially when he does it with a smile on his face. There's not another feeling like it.

Love and electricity are one in the same, my dear. If you do not feel the jolt in your soul every time a kiss is shared, a whisper is spoken, a touch is felt, then you're not really in love at all.
~C. J. Franks

Even though this sort of contradicts the previous one, I still like it and think it is also true. Every touch, every kiss, every time. Sometimes it's a warm fuzzy comfortable feeling, other times it's a shock to my toes. It's never unpleasant.

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire.
~La Rochefoucauld

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" and all that. I really hope this is the case, as I've said before. I really think we've got what it takes, and I can only say that I will do my best to make sure nothing changes.


The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.
~Victor Hugo

Knowing he loves me even though I'm messy, sometimes lazy, stubborn as a mule, and get nasty blemishes on my chin when I'm PMSing makes me think he could be telling the truth about this. Not only does he love me when I'm at my best, but he loves me the rest of the time too. And that is the most solid proof of "love" I can think of.


I wish I had the creativity to put it into my own words, but since I don't, I'm glad others do... and I hope they don't mind my borrowing.

Really Scary.

I've spent a lot of time thinking these last few days... well, thinking when I wasn't making sure to enjoy his company to the best of my ability.

It's a scary thing to realize that once he leaves next Saturday (and that is way too soon) he will not be moving back. He'll be gone. And if our relationship is to continue, I'll have to leave too. And although I love him and can't imagine life with anyone else, it is a bit intimidating to think that I could be going from single to married, and from my comfy spot here, to trying to make a new one elsewhere.

We are at the point in our relationship where it's "get married, or break up" and I don't think either one of us are willing to explore the "break up" option. That man makes me smile entirely too much, and makes me entirely too happy for me to even consider letting him go.

I just hope he feels the same way.

*Yawn*

I'm up early this morning, for me anyway, because he's on his way over, and I get to spend the late morning/early afternoon with him before work. Hopefully I don't cry when he leaves, because that sucks and I would be going into work looking a mess.

I'm doing everything I can to make sure he can see that I love him. Little presents, lots of cheesiness. I still don't feel like I'm doing enough before he leaves. I wish I knew the proper protocol for this. I hate knowing we're gonna be spending 7 weeks apart, and then another 7 weeks apart after he comes home for a visit. Unless I can hitch a ride with his family down to see him, we'll be spending the better part of six months doing the long distance thing.

Trying not to dwell on it is much easier said than done, but I'm going to try to make the best of this morning, and then all the time we get to spend this weekend.

When I Touch You

(Travis Tritt/Stewart Harris)

This old world can lay so heavy on my shoulders...
And this face in my mirror keeps getting older
But no matter how much pressure's on
I can lay it down when I get home
'Cause it all just fades away when I touch you

It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
A firm foundation, girl, to see us through
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you

Years from now when my life's nearly over
And there's nothing more this world needs me to do
If my feeble hand's still strong enough to reach out
I can be the happy man when I touch you

It's the kind of love
That lingers through the ages
Oh, a firm foundation, girl, to see us through...
So let the storms of life go right on ragin'...
For there's calm inside my heart when I touch you...

Yes, it makes everything alright when I touch you...

This song pretty much sums up my feelings right now.

I Hate This.

This weekend was absolutely perfect. There's really no other word for it... Until I managed to ruin it tonight as he was leaving. I try so hard to stay strong and happy when he's around, and the last couple days I was okay with him walking out the door because I knew I'd be seeing him the next day. Tonight though, when he said he had to go, I couldn't fight the tears. I couldn't make them stop.

Nothing in my life has been as hard as knowing I'm going to be watching him leave soon. I don't know how to prepare for it. He says his heart will be staying here with me when he leaves. Nobody has ever said anything so romantic to me, ever. He loves me, I know he does. He makes sure of it. I'm trying so hard to borrow some of his confidence that we can make it through this. He acts like it's so easy.

I like challenges. I hate failure. That should make this easier for me...

Right?

Date Night :)

For the third night in a row, I get to spend time with him. The last two nights have been amazing, in several ways. We've gotten closer, it seems, because we've actually been able to open up and discuss some things that aren't always so easy to talk about. But, also amazing, because I feel like I've been accepted into his family. Graduation parties, baby pictures, invitations to visit after he moves. It adds up to "you're part of our family now, and we want to see you."

Tonight we're going to stop by and see my mother, who will allow him a bit of revenge. Last night his mom brought out baby pictures, and so tonight my mom will do the same. It's a silly thing, but Mom's never had the opportunity to embarrass me with baby pictures before. Then we're going out to dinner, and back here for movie and snuggle time.

I will not let anything get in the way of me enjoying tonight. It has the makings of being another perfectly wonderful night, and I don't want to risk that. I'll find another time to cry. I've got 19 days before he leaves, and since I have to work stupid hours, I'll have to miss seeing him for a lot of those. I'll save the crying for another night.

Tonight, it's about us, and nothing else.

Love Matters

Sometimes, there are things we can't verbalize or have difficulty expressing to our significant other. Feelings that need to be expressed but just somehow can't quite make it from what you're feeling, to what needs to be said.

In a relationship, if it is to be successful, that is one hurdle that has to be jumped quite regularly. If your partner doesn't know what you're feeling, then how can they help you deal with it? Or if it's something your partner is doing, how can they fix it? No matter how long you've been together and how well he knows you, your partner will never be psychic. You have to tell him what's going on, and vice versa. This issue is compounded when he lives a few hundred miles away, and you have to deal with a separation for several months.

I'm stuck in that situation right now.

The man I love more than life is moving away in less than 3 weeks. I'm doing everything I can to be the strong supportive woman that he needs in his life, without breaking down crying every time I see him. It absolutely kills me inside that I won't be able to see him regularly like I have over the last year and a half of our relationship.

I hate to say I wish he wasn't leaving, because that sounds like I don't want him chasing his dreams, and catching them if he can. I don't want to make him feel bad because he's getting a few steps closer to getting what he wants in life.

But I do need an outlet.

I need a place to spill out all the things that keep swirling around in my head so I can pick out what really matters to discuss with him. I'm positive that our relationship will not suffer terribly from this, and that I'm hoping the cliche of "absence makes the heart grow fonder" proves true in this case, rather than "out of sight, out of mind."

I need somewhere to take the the whirlwind of thoughts in my head, calm them, organize them, put them into words. Communication is key, and I need a tool to make it easier for me. I will definitely run the gamut of emotions from elation to depression, and likely within the course of a single entry. I may go days between entries, or I may go hours.

This is the man who has stuck with me through the last year and a half. We've dealt with a lot of things that might cause other couples to fall apart. He deserves my support, and he deserves nothing less than clear communication.

He's fond of telling me that if we can survive this, we can survive anything.

Love can survive. I won't accept any other result.