Worries...

It's 3:30AM, and I'm laying awake with a lot on my mind. No doubt helped along by the two 24oz extra caffeine coffees I drank today to stave off the chill and the drowsiness.

Anyway, I'm thinking a lot about the fact that while I'll still be *me* in six months, I'll also be someone's wife. Half of a married couple, and responsible, at least in part, for another person's emotional well-being. Later on down the road, God willing, I will be someone's mother. A wife and mom. Something I've always wanted, but never really thought of as happening for me.

Now I'm fretting about my ability to do justice to those titles. I have what-ifs going through my head to the point it's like a broken record. Spinning and skipping to the point of annoyance, only I can't smack the needle away to make it stop.

HTB told me tonight that he's confident I will make a good wife and mom. I told him that I'm confident in my ability to love my husband and children, I don't know how well I will perform in the role of wife or mother. I'm nowhere close to being a parent yet, but the thought of being responsible for the life of someone so small and fragile, of being responsible for making sure that tiny person grows into a productive member of society.... it's daunting.

The role of wife? I think I could handle that one easily. I play it fairly well already, but I think the adjustment period of living together will be an interesting one. However, I'm not so sure about doing wonderfully as a preacher's wife. I only have a limited idea of what that role requires, and all my HTB will tell me is "you'll do fine." He knows what he's talking about, I suppose, and I should probably just trust him. I can't help but fret though. Worrying is what I do best.

What if... What if.... What if...?

Round and round it goes...