Almost a diet?

So, I've lost about 7 pounds in the last 3 weeks. I can't say I've been working hard. All I've done is stop drinking sodas and sugary juices. I just drink water most of the time, and skim milk with one meal. Also, I've mostly eliminated sweets from my diet. I will eat a pudding cup, or a small piece of candy, but I don't eat candy bars or snack cakes anymore. Or potato chips, well, I switched to baked. They provide that bit of saltiness I crave, but they just aren't as good as the regular kind, so I don't eat as much. EXCEPT for baked Cheetos... those are better than the regular I think. SO GOOD. Lastly, I'm limiting my fast food intake to once a week, and only a small order when I do go, instead of multiple days with large meals when I just don't feel like cooking late at night and I'm hungry after work. (Translation of this paragraph: I've changed what I consume, entirely)

I need to get some exercising into my schedule so I can get rid of a little bit more of this weight before 1) my doctor's appointment on March 14th and 2) my dress fitting on a yet to be determined date in April. After looking at a work schedule I'm thinking April 6th or 7th since that will be about six weeks before the wedding.

I keep getting all this wedding stuff in, and every time FedEx or UPS stops at my house I get a little more excited. Seriously, who other than a bride gets all a-squee over a cake stand? Okay, aside from brides and bakers in any case.

We have appointments with the florist and the photographer next week to sign the papers, and give up some cash to secure the services. The invitations are getting printed today and mailed out tomorrow. SO EXCITED. A little over 2 months to go until I don't have to be a couple states away from my significant other.

And that means I really need to start packing stuff up to make room for him to move in. Yikes. That's a lot of work to do...

Some doubts...

No, no doubts about marrying the HTB. I love him, completely and without question. I'm just really really worried about how well I'm going to do in the role of "pastor's wife"... I'm not so sure it's a good fit for me.

I keep telling myself I'm marrying the man, not the job... but in this case, the man is the job. He just can't leave his work at the office and come home.

I don't know if I can handle the constant scrutiny, the 24/7 aspect of the job, and the lack of privacy this type of job will come with. I like being able to relax and be me. If I want to be lazy for a day, and spend it in my pajamas and walk around eating ice cream out of the container, I should be able to do that. Not be expected to be here, there, everywhere and organizing 8253 things.

I don't like that people will be prying into my life, and my background and judging me. I especially don't like that they are likely to find me lacking due to my non-existent religious background.

I hate feeling like I'm not good enough to be the wife he needs. :(

Valentine's day....

Well, I got flowers...



but they aren't open yet, so tomorrow i will take another picture, and maybe the irises will be their pretty selves.

in other news, i'm sick and eff this day.

I need to vent!

This has nothing to do with getting married, or dealing with domestic issues between myself and the HTB, but HOLY CRAP I am so mad at work and I really just can't stand it, so I need to vent.

WHY do they expect me to be the one responsible for EVERYTHING at my position? I'm neither a manager, nor a supervisor, and I don't make the equivalent pay to either position, SO IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY to make sure everyone else is doing their job. My job is to do MY job, not theirs, not make sure they do theirs, or tell them what they are doing wrong. If you want me to play that role, give me the paycheck and the title and I'm all for it. Just because I know what I'm doing after over 4 years, doesn't mean I'm the only one that should be doing it. YOU ARE TRAINED, DO YOUR DAMN JOB YOURSELF.

I do it all. I help the customers, I keep tabs on the workers, I stop the theft, I answer the phone, I answer the questions, I take the orders and set up the deliveries... but no matter what, if SOMETHING goes wrong, even though there are several other people there who could have done the job, I'M THE ONE that gets the blame for it. WHY IS THAT?! Is it because the other 3 people standing around didn't know what they were supposed to do, and therefore I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing to do what they didn't know they were supposed to do? FUCK NO. Know your job, that's what you get paid for.

I don't mind helping. I don't mind making suggestions. I don't mind answering a question here or there. But it is not my job to train people who are on the same level as I am and do not know their job! I'm not their supervisor, and I'm not their boss, it's not my responsibility, AND I'M TIRED OF GETTING YELLED AT FOR IT!!

/rant

And now it's time for lunch.